A Cure for Legalism: The Gift of Incapability
Is grace just a cruel joke? For those of us from fundamentalistic or spiritually-abusive backgrounds, obedience to God’s commands can feel like a painful impossibility. Our old way of trying to obey...
View ArticleBook Review of “Broken Trust” by F. Remy Diederich
Editor’s Note: I rarely endorse books. This is an exception. Remy sent me an earlier draft of his book and requested feedback. I made some edits, but mostly I just rejoiced that he had written such a...
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Spiritual Abuse Recovery: Learning to Risk
I, like many survivors of spiritually abusive churches or cults, experience trust issues and am generally risk-averse. I have become so good at saying “no” to people and opportunities that I have...
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Truth Without Grace Is Dead
Yesterday I read a bristling article by a Christian blogger/journalist/news figure who proclaimed himself a “professional truth-teller.” He gleefully excoriated another Christian writer as likes and...
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Breaking the Chains of Legalistic Parenting
Parenting proves challenging in the best of circumstances. Even the healthiest, most well-adjusted parent faces crises of doubt, exhaustion, and failure. But most of us aren’t completely healthy, are...
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The Gift of Ordinary Things
When I was young I read books that made missionary life look sexy. I read spiritual biographies of well-known Christian martyrs which made them seem six inches taller and without body odor. Like...
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Five Lessons from The Village Church and Karen Hinkley
Several readers have asked me to comment on the recent situation involving The Village Church in Dallas and how it has placed Karen Hinkley under church discipline. Karen’s husband, Jordan Root,...
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30 Signs of Legalism: A Checklist
The average legalist does not know that he or she is legalistic. I didn’t. I thought I was just following God’s Word. I didn’t think I was a Pharisee; I thought I was righteous. Legalism is rightly...
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When Your Abusive Pastor Dies
When you hear that your abusive former pastor is dead, the news will not bring you peace and it is unlikely to bring you joy. I am unhappy to say this but it’s true nevertheless and so there it is....
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An Update
Dear friends, For several months I have taken a hiatus from blogging in order to spend concerted effort writing the first draft of a book. The draft is taking shape and I hope to have it done by...
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Recovering from Spiritual Abuse: Fearing the Good
“What would you do if you had no fear? Sometimes we think we are driven by our wants — when too often we are driven by our fears.” – Ann Voskamp I started flossing again. For the last couple of years...
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12 Things God Doesn’t Do
The most devastating consequence of spiritual abuse is a marred image of God. If your church or pastor practices spiritual abuse, chances are that your view of God is filtered through twisted...
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Seven Signs You’re in a Cult
A June 18 article published in The Atlantic – “The Seven Signs You’re in a Cult” — helps to illustrate symptoms of cult behavior. It is well-written and accurately portrays the codependency and...
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8 Ways to Distinguish Gossip from Criticism
Recent news reports about Christian leaders have raised an interesting debate: what is gossip, and what is legitimate criticism or concern? Does a Christian leader have the right to fire employees over...
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Top 12 Blog Posts
Two years ago I started this blog in order to confront spiritual abuse with grace and truth. I wasn’t sure there was anyone outside of my immediate family and a small circle of friends who would read...
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Mind Games of Abusers: When Words Have No Meaning
If you dialogue with a spiritually abusive leader or cult member, prepare to enter a mind warp. The rules of sense, reason, and accepted definitions go out the window and are replaced with jargon,...
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My Pastor Can Beat Up Your Pastor: Alpha Dogs and the Cult of Christian...
Let me introduce you to four men who want to lead you to God. Leandro Leandro stood big and rangy in the hallway, a couple inches over six feet with sweet tats, huge biceps, and slicked-back hair....
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Checklist: 55 Attributes of a Spiritually Abusive Leader
To recognize a spiritually abusive leader, first we have to define spiritual abuse. Jeff VanVonderen, co-author of the classic book The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse, defines spiritual abuse like...
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Frankenstein Faith: Misuse of the Old Testament (Part 5 of 10)
In the late 1990s I attended a running camp for two summers in the mountains of New Hampshire. The camp had a lake, cabins, and was surrounded by thick piney woods. Built into a natural plateau was a...
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Review of “Girl at the End of the World”
Girl at the End of the World by Elisabeth Esther. Convergent Books, 2014. 224 pp. Elisabeth has written a poignant memoir, one that will likely ring true with many other survivors of fundamentalist...
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